Bridal and Baby Showers
Bridal and Baby Showers by Hazrat Maulana Yunus Patel Saheb (rahmatullah ‘alayh) There are many customs and trends which are affiliated with the non-Muslim culture and lifestyle. Due to being afflicted with what appears to be a truly insecure and inferior complex, many Muslims look towards and choose the customs and trends of the non-Muslims over that of the beautiful Sunnah. It seems as if the need is to secure acceptance in a non-Muslim society and blend in with them —so that we are not recognized as Muslims. Bridal and Baby Showers have become synonymous with the Muslim lifestyle as it is with the rest of the non-Muslim lifestyle. Many may ask: What’s wrong with giving gifts, congratulating the bride-to-be or the new mother, or having a get-together with friends? There is nothing wrong with giving the bride or the new mother a gift or congratulating the person. To give a gift and congratulate are from the teachings of Islam, and would draw rewards, but there are conditions to be met in even these noble deeds. What is highly wrong and objectionable is the background to these good deeds. They are not within the parameters of Shari’ah. The picture of a bridal and baby shower is not typical of the Sunnah. It is typical of the non-Muslim way of life. Following suit, we fall into the sin of “Tashabbu bil Kuffaar” (emulating the disbelievers). It is aligning oneself with those who have rejected Allah Ta’ala, who live their lives in immorality and disobedience. Nikah is a great Ibaadah. Pregnancy and the birth of a child also have their requisites in Islam. However, the west has commercialized all these noble occasions and made them into money-making events. The sacredness of these occasions is forgotten. Today, Nikahs have taken on the exact shape of a Hollywood or Bollywood-style wedding —where the bride is dressed to look like a Christian bride or a Bollywood actress, with no sign of Islam on her; and the groom is dressed in a suit and tie, looking like a typical Christian groom. Adding insult to injury is the extravagance and open sin at the time of the wedding and Walimah. One’s mind moves in the direction of the millions suffering from famine and starvation, who have no home, no water, no food, and no clothing —but the Muslim ignores all that suffering just for fleeting attention and praise. Hundreds of thousands of Rands wasted on draping a hall, dressing the chairs, wine glasses, musicians, photography, wedding cards —which are thrown away, etc. is money which could have been the means of alleviating the plight of so many suffering people. One brother handed me an elaborate invitation card for his daughter’s wedding. I enquired about the cost of the wedding card and was told that each card cost R50. Advising him, I told him that almost all people throw away wedding cards, so he should regard that as people throwing away hundreds of his R50 notes. Would he throw R50 notes into a bin? No. However, throwing away those cards is equal to throwing away R50 notes. That same money could have been used in making the Aakhirah. Even those who are known to be religious will waste thousands on halls, on décor, etc., sacrificing the pleasure of Allah Ta’ala and Rasulullah (sallallahu ‘alayhi wasallam). Those who are meant to set the noble example of the Sunnah —whom we expect are living the Sunnah, knowingly choose to forsake the Sunnah. Simplicity is part of Imaan —a rare sight in these times. ‘Aaisha (radhiyallahu’ anha) narrated that Nabi (sallallahu ‘alaihi wa sallam) said: ‘Verily, the most blessed Nikah is that which involves the least difficulty (expenditure).’[1] We have a perfect Sunnah —a perfect way of life in the life of our Nabi (sallallahu ‘alayhi wasallam) and the lives of his companions, men, and women (radhiyallah ‘anhum). We have what is superior to all other cultures, yet we consider everything else. It shows great weakness if we prefer the culture of the Christians, Jews and Idolators over the noble Sunnah of Rasulullah (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam). We are exchanging diamonds for stones —what an unprofitable exchange this is! What a great loss! Nabi (sallallahu alayhi wa sallam) said: “Whoever emulates a nation is from amongst them.”[2] In another Hadith, it is stated: “A person is with whom he loves.”[3] Nabi (sallallahu alayhi wa sallam) also said that we will be raised on the Day of Judgment with those whom we imitate in this worldly life. (May Allah Ta’ala save us from such disgrace and humiliation.) Emulating the non-Muslim culture is one downfall, but there are many more that are found in the Bridal and Baby Showers. The non-Muslims have coined a novel concept of begging – especially amongst the upper class. It seems as if some, from amongst the wealthy, have developed the art of begging. They even have a name for it. In the name of Bridal Showers, Baby Showers, and Registries, people gracefully and politely extend their hands and ask and take from others. The bride-to-be chooses her gifts from exclusive stores that offer a “registry”, or she unashamedly hands out a list of those items she wants gifted to her. In the process, she places pressure, financial difficulty, and sometimes a great burden on others to purchase the gifts she has chosen. At the get-together, these gifts and other gifts are presented to the bride-to-be, who opens them and shows them to all present – and each person can assess the money spent on the gift given. Let us now consider the various wrongs in this act: A person is forced to purchase gifts that the bride has chosen, which may be beyond their budget in spending. A person who gives something simple or inexpensive will feel ashamed and embarrassed, considering the way gifts are being received and shown to others. The Hadith encourages giving gifts because giving gifts creates Muhabbah (love). If Muhabbah is not