Sibling Rivalry
Sibling Rivalry by Hazrat Maulana Yunus Patel Saheb (rahmatullah ‘alayh) Sibling Rivalry is a common scenario in almost every home. Arguments and fights are everyday occurrences amongst brothers and sisters —to the extent that arguments often lead to physical fighting. This kind of response is very much against the disposition of a noble person, let alone a Muslim. We need to learn to implement the noble character of Rasulullah (sallallahu ‘alaihi wa sallam) in our dealings with all —including siblings. It must not be that “we give good as we get”. Instead, we should overlook, forgive, and show them beautiful, dignified conduct. If we have the knowledge of Deen, then this is the setting that tests our practical expression of that Ilm (knowledge) and Akhlaq (character). We either give into Nafs and Shaytan and show our brothers, sisters and parents that we are like cats and dogs fighting – and are closer to being animals than humans, or we rise above the indiscretions of our family members by adopting noble character and speech and practising on the ayah: “Good and evil are not equal. Repel (evil) with what is best, and you will see that the one you had mutual enmity with him will turn as if he were a close friend. [Surah Fussilat 41: 34] Rasulullah (sallallahu ‘alaihi wa sallam) had set a beautiful and perfect precedent in teaching and moulding his two grandsons, Hasan and Husain (radiyallahu ‘anhum). Rasulullah (sallallahu ‘alaihi wa sallam) taught them to love and respect each other. He taught them that the younger should serve the elder because the elder sibling deserves respect. Khidmah (serving) naturally creates Muhabbat (love), and how perfect a prescription this is for all brothers and sisters in creating a peaceful and happy environment at home. This is why we find in the lives of these two grandsons that Hazrat Husain (radiyallahu anhu) used to respect Hazrat Hasan (radiyallahu anhu) and even carried out his requests willingly. Of course, in light of the above, the older brother or sister should not think that he or she can demand, dictate and nag. If we are older, we are responsible for setting an example worthy of our siblings to follow. There has to be courtesy, mercy, compassion and love for the younger siblings. A balance needs to be created – where there is humility on both sides. Sayyiduna Hasan (radiyallahu ‘anhu) showed great love and compassion for Sayyudina Husayn (radiyallahu ‘anhu). If either one has to advise the other about something – for example, food, clothing, room, studies, Salah, etc., it should be said only once and politely. After that, leave it to the parents or teachers to solve the problem. If every sibling were to emulate the grandsons of Rasulullah (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam), then there would be no bickering, quarrelling and fighting. Home will be a haven, and all parents will be at peace – with no complaints against their children. May Allah Ta’ala grant us all the understanding and the Taufiq (ability) of practising, Aameen.
When Spouses Curse
When Spouses Curse by Hazrat Maulana Yunus Patel Saheb (rahmatullah ‘alayh) A husband complained that he was always angry with his wife, and they continuously argued. There are so many such cases: If it is not the husband complaining of his wife, it is the wife complaining of her husband. In this case, having been informed of the weaknesses of his wife, which are common to other women as well, I said: ‘I agree with you that there are weaknesses in women. However, there are also weaknesses in men. Moreover, your anger is for worldly reasons. You are cursing your wife and inviting that same curse upon yourself…’ I then explained to him:‘When you curse your wife on her defiance, non-compliance, or indifference to your rights, then Allah Ta’ala’s Azab (punishment) descends upon her. When that punishment reaches her, she will not be the only one who will suffer. As her husband, you, too, will suffer. If she is afflicted with illness or has an accident, the burden of expense falls upon you as the husband. You will have to take care of her and; will also find difficulty in that she will not be able to see to you and the children, the maintenance of the home, etc. And if she has to curse you, she too will find herself in a situation of trial and difficulty…’ Some women have the bad habit of cursing their husbands and children, generally due to impatience or frustration. Instead of turning to Allah Ta’ala and making Du’a, they utter such words, which sometimes find acceptance in the heavens, but become a source of great regret. Due to this tendency of cursing and being ungrateful to spouses, Rasulullah (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) directed women towards giving charity and seeking forgiveness. Thus, when Allah Ta’ala punishes the husband or the child, the wife or mother is left lamenting her plight. It may be that Allah Ta’ala accepts her curse, and in a fit of anger, the husband divorces the wife. He loses his wife and children, and she is left in dire circumstances as a divorcee, or it may be that Allah Ta’ala accepts the curse, and as such, his entire business collapses. The husband, the wife who cursed, and the children now have to live in poverty. There are so many ways that curses are Divinely accepted. Alhamdulillah, the husband explained the above to his wife, and they both agreed that arguing and cursing was not the solution. Arguments cause great satisfaction and joy to Shaytan, whose great effort is to destroy marriages. Arguments indicate Shaytan’s presence in our homes. It is the stepping stone to enmity between husband and wife and can quickly end up with divorce, a broken home and many other problems. Who does not want a happy marriage? Who does not wish for Sukoon (tranquillity) in marriage? However, to achieve this, some effort has to be made. We have to train ourselves to adopt Hilm (tolerance) and Sabr (patience), and we need to learn to curb the tendency to argue and fight – which is otherwise common even for the pettiest reasons. There would be peace, tranquillity, and many arguments would not even surface if we keep before us the following Hadith of Rasulullah (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam), and we have Yaqin and conviction in it: “I guarantee a house in the outskirts of Paradise to the one who forsakes argument even when he is in the right.” [1] [1] Abu Dawud
Futile Arguments
Futile Arguments by Hazrat Maulana Yunus Patel Saheb (rahmatullah ‘alayh) It seems as if everyone has something to argue about these days. Arguing is a waste of precious time and a diversion of Shaytan from carrying out good deeds or rendering services to Deen. We do not have to worry about arguing with every other person. We have got no time to argue with people. Only that person who has time will go around arguing with people. He has got time to waste; therefore, he will go around arguing. One person went to the barber and said: “I have black and white hair, so take out all the white hair.” The barber shaved off all his hair, placed it in front of the man and said: “Now you can pick out all the white strands. I do not have the time for that.” The person whose heart is connected with Allah Ta’ala does not have the time for arguments, fights, unnecessary quarrels, or wasting time over useless, futile activities. One person wrote a lengthy letter to me. He mentioned, amongst other things: “Maulana, you and all your blind followers who attend your programmes…” – have got this weakness, this weakness, this weakness.” I replied: “JazakAllah for informing us of some of our weaknesses. There are many more that Allah Ta’ala has concealed. I make Shukr to Allah Ta’ala that He did not reveal all our weaknesses. Please keep me informed when you notice more weaknesses, and make Dua that Allah Ta’ala gives us Hidayat.” That is all! Finished! What am I going to start arguing about? Futile arguing creates restlessness and darkness in the heart. It opens the door to misguidance. It leads a person away from Siratul Mustaqeem (the straight path). Rasulullah (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) cautioned us: “No people will go astray after having been guided except that they become argumentative.”[1] Thus, we should not waste time over pettiness. We do not have the time for that. There will always be enemies; there will always be jealousy; there will always be malice. There will be those who cannot see or stomach the progress of certain people and who will want to create unnecessary trouble and impede the person’s progress. This will happen. It happened in the time of Rasullullah (sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) – and will continue. So we should be careful not to get caught up with these wasteful issues. Rasulullah (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said: “I guarantee a house in the outskirts of Paradise to the one who forsakes argument even when he is in the right’… [2] If we keep before us this Hadith and have Yaqin (conviction) on the words of Rasulullah (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam), many arguments would not even surface. [1] Tirmidhi [2] Abu Dawud