Securing Rewards in Marriage
Securing Rewards in Marriage by Hazrat Maulana Yunus Patel Saheb (rahmatullah ‘alayh) The Sawab (reward) for the sabr (patience) a woman exercises over her difficulties in managing the home of her husband and fulfilling the rights of her husband and children sometimes is such that it makes her ‘reach’ Allah Ta’ala very quickly. This, however, is conditional to her obedience to Allah Ta’ala, fulfilling His Rights, the Rights of His Rasul (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam), and the Rights of His Creation. Women who have children, even a temperamental husband, together with many household chores and other responsibilities, sometimes think that they cannot achieve the ranks of the Awliya-Allah[1] because they do not have time for ‘Wazifas’[2] and Nawafil [3] (optional prayers). I tell them that they do not need to worry about too many Wazifas. The most important ‘Wazifa’ is abstinence from all sins. Added to this, they should correct their niyyah or intention in all they do as routine housework. Make the intention of pleasing Allah Ta’ala, then that same housework becomes Ibadah. In this simple way, they will easily secure great rewards and the same spiritual stages, if not higher. Similarly, the Sawab for the sabr a man exercises over his wife’s shortcomings, emotional outbursts or mood swings is a medium by which he too acquires great rewards and reaches Allah Ta’ala very quickly. Many Awliya-Allah reached great spiritual heights and were accepted for tremendous service to Deen on the patience they adopted with their wives and on the love, care, affection, tenderness and generosity they also extended to their wives. Rasulullah (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) set the perfect example for husbands. Despite the tremendous responsibilities that he was entrusted with, he gave due attention and time to his wives and treated them with love and generosity. He was never harsh or insensitive towards any single wife. Rasulullah (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) also said: “The best amongst the Believers is he is whose character is the best. And the best among you is the one who is best towards his wife.”[4] [1] Awliya-Allah : Friends of Allah Ta’ala [2] Wazifas: additional, optional supplications [3] Nawafil: Optional prayers [4] Tirmidhi
When Spouses Curse
When Spouses Curse by Hazrat Maulana Yunus Patel Saheb (rahmatullah ‘alayh) A husband complained that he was always angry with his wife, and they continuously argued. There are so many such cases: If it is not the husband complaining of his wife, it is the wife complaining of her husband. In this case, having been informed of the weaknesses of his wife, which are common to other women as well, I said: ‘I agree with you that there are weaknesses in women. However, there are also weaknesses in men. Moreover, your anger is for worldly reasons. You are cursing your wife and inviting that same curse upon yourself…’ I then explained to him:‘When you curse your wife on her defiance, non-compliance, or indifference to your rights, then Allah Ta’ala’s Azab (punishment) descends upon her. When that punishment reaches her, she will not be the only one who will suffer. As her husband, you, too, will suffer. If she is afflicted with illness or has an accident, the burden of expense falls upon you as the husband. You will have to take care of her and; will also find difficulty in that she will not be able to see to you and the children, the maintenance of the home, etc. And if she has to curse you, she too will find herself in a situation of trial and difficulty…’ Some women have the bad habit of cursing their husbands and children, generally due to impatience or frustration. Instead of turning to Allah Ta’ala and making Du’a, they utter such words, which sometimes find acceptance in the heavens, but become a source of great regret. Due to this tendency of cursing and being ungrateful to spouses, Rasulullah (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) directed women towards giving charity and seeking forgiveness. Thus, when Allah Ta’ala punishes the husband or the child, the wife or mother is left lamenting her plight. It may be that Allah Ta’ala accepts her curse, and in a fit of anger, the husband divorces the wife. He loses his wife and children, and she is left in dire circumstances as a divorcee, or it may be that Allah Ta’ala accepts the curse, and as such, his entire business collapses. The husband, the wife who cursed, and the children now have to live in poverty. There are so many ways that curses are Divinely accepted. Alhamdulillah, the husband explained the above to his wife, and they both agreed that arguing and cursing was not the solution. Arguments cause great satisfaction and joy to Shaytan, whose great effort is to destroy marriages. Arguments indicate Shaytan’s presence in our homes. It is the stepping stone to enmity between husband and wife and can quickly end up with divorce, a broken home and many other problems. Who does not want a happy marriage? Who does not wish for Sukoon (tranquillity) in marriage? However, to achieve this, some effort has to be made. We have to train ourselves to adopt Hilm (tolerance) and Sabr (patience), and we need to learn to curb the tendency to argue and fight – which is otherwise common even for the pettiest reasons. There would be peace, tranquillity, and many arguments would not even surface if we keep before us the following Hadith of Rasulullah (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam), and we have Yaqin and conviction in it: “I guarantee a house in the outskirts of Paradise to the one who forsakes argument even when he is in the right.” [1] [1] Abu Dawud